


Sacrifice

by orphan_account



Series: To Boldly Go... [2]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Alternate Universe, Blind!Jim, Captain Pike - Freeform, Commander Kirk, Established Relationship, Everyone lives, First Officer Spock - Freeform, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Injury Recovery, M/M, Temporarily Blind Spock, episode AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-19
Updated: 2018-03-19
Packaged: 2019-04-04 19:20:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14027025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: When the Enterprise responds to the call that the human colony on Deneva hasn't made contact in over a year, the team must investigate.  Jim Kirk is ready to face a lot of things, but potentially losing his T'hy'la is not one of them.  Operation-- Annihilate!AU





	Sacrifice

**Author's Note:**

> So I decided to write some AU versions of episodes from TOS in my Blind Dating universe, and I thought this was a good place to start. Just some notes- Nero didn't happen, Pike is still Captain of the Enterprise, Jim and Spock haven't bonded... yet.
> 
> Feel free to comment with any episodes you might want to see in this AU verse.

By the time Jim heard the footsteps easing into his quarters, he knew to smile. He recognized the patterns, and turned his head slightly from where he was shelving the last of things into the bookcase. “Commander Spock,” he said.

After a pause, “We are not on duty, Jim.”

Jim chuckled. “Yes, thank you, I can said to be at least vaguely aware of that. Just you know…getting used to the change.”

“And how are you faring?” Spock asked. “These quarters seem to resemble the ones at the academy.”

“Scotty’s idea,” Jim said, and rested his hand on one of the shelves before turning to face his…well, he wasn’t entirely sure _just_ yet what he and Spock were. They got through Jim’s final exams, and the official placement on the Enterprise under Pike, and they were three weeks out from departing. They spent a lot of that time together, when Spock wasn’t bogged down with paperwork and marking, and when Jim wasn’t attempting to cram the last of his Academy knowledge into his brain. But still, they hadn’t exactly had _the talk_. “Have you met Lieutenant Scott?”

“Indeed, I believe I’ve made most of the acquaintance of the crew,” Spock said. His voice was closer now, and as Jim anticipated, warm hands were soon cupping around his hips, tugging him even closer. “He created this for you?”

“We,” Jim said, his voice a little dry from how much it was still overwhelming to be touched by Spock, to be wanted by him. He cleared his throat and tried again. “We sat down to discuss quarters, decided it would make things easier for me if I had something I already knew? I have to spend the next three weeks learning everything else, you know? So why not make it easier.”

“There is logic in that,” Spock murmured, and dipped his head in low, pressing a soft kiss to the curve of Jim’s jaw. “And how is your confidence level in your assignment?”

Jim sighed. He and Spock were compatible, and Jim even liked the way Spock quietly fussed over him. It wasn’t the same as the way his family had done, or people who treated him like he was incapable. It was more in the way that however Spock felt—and most of that was so private still, even to Jim—it was his way of showing affection and attention. Jim could live with that. They did, however, conflict when Pike announced that Kirk was going to be named Security Chief. Spock took issue with the appointment, not because he thought Jim incapable, but because it was, statistically speaking, one of the most dangerous positions to hold on the ship.

“We’re an exploratory vessel, Spock,” Pike said, defending his position to the annoyed Vulcan. “And yes, the post is dangerous, but Jim is also a strategic genius—literally. He also holds records in all of his physical combat training. You know as well as I do, he’s the most qualified for the position.”

“This is not the only position he’s qualified for,” Spock said, almost pouting, and Jim nearly laughed.

“No, but I have other officers for that, Number One,” Pike said, sounding a little more gentle this time. “Trust him to do this.”

“I do,” Spock said, still sullen. “I cannot find logic in your appointment, Captain, as much as it might…displease me.”

They hadn’t talked about it after that, but Jim did take note of how much tighter Spock held him that night.

After that, Jim went straight for exams, and they hadn’t had much time for each other until now. There was a skeleton crew on the Enterprise for the next few weeks, and most of the command crew would be in and out in preparation, but for the most part, Jim would have free reign to learn the ins and outs of the places he would be occupying.

“Did I tell you about the echolocator?” Jim asked as he let himself ease fully into Spock’s grip. Spock’s hands came to rest at the small of his back, and he made a noise for Jim to go on. “Scotty thinks he can fashion something to work inside my communicator, and I’d wear it as an earpiece. It’ll replace my cane, at least on the ship, and possibly on the surface of planets depending on their atmosphere and magnetic field.”

“Do you feel confident in such technology?” Spock asked softly.

Jim laughed. “Well, not as confident as I am in my own abilities, but yeah. I think it could be good. Easier, anyway. At least when I’m on the bridge.”

“Then I am most pleased for you,” Spock said. His hand touched Jim’s cheek, tilting his head just so, and they were kissing.

It dragged on a slow, soft, sweet thing, the promise of more later, content to do just this for now. When Spock pulled away, Jim took a few breaths to compose himself before he turned back to the shelf and reached into the box to pull out his final item. His hand reached out, touching the thick, cool branches of the Betazed succulent. It omitted the soft, purring noise which instantly brought him calm.

“Uhura gave this to me,” he explained as he eased the little pot onto the shelf. “Her Betazed tutor gave it to her for her anxiety.”

“Fascinating,” Spock said, and Jim felt him reach out, then heard the purring again. After a moment, Spock asked, “And these? Books, I believe, though unlike books I’ve come into contact with.”

“Oh,” Jim said with a smile, and reached up for one. His fingers touched the braille on the side, and he pulled out one of his favorites. “I uh…” He laughed, feeling a little silly as he opened the cover. “I wasn’t going to bring these, you know? But security blanket.”

“I do not understand,” Spock confessed.

“It’s this really old kids’ book series—Harry Potter. You know it?”

After a silence, Spock said, “I gave a negative shake of my head,” as he always did when he momentarily forgot, and gave Jim a non-verbal answer.

“The book’s not really important,” Jim said. He reached past Spock for his bed, then sat and opened the book over his knees, patting the space beside him. “It’s about this kid who lives with his terrible aunt and uncle, and it turns out that he’s a wizard, and that his parents died in some wizarding war, and that he was the sole survivor. That’s not…” Jim laughed. “That’s not even a good description. But anyway I liked it when I was a kid. In spite of everything Harry had going against him—shitty family, no exposure to magic, having to fight off some over-powered megalomaniac at the age of fourteen—he still managed to succeed. And in the end he wins on his terms. And every single one of his struggles gave him experience and power to use in the end, when he defeats the bad guy.” Jim’s fingers trailed over the title, and over the author, and he remembered sitting in bed far too late at night, long after his parents insisted he get to sleep, devouring every word.

“I can understand your relation to it,” Spock said. “And this is…a method of print?”

Jim reached out and took Spock’s wrist, flipping to the first page of the book, then set his fingers at the first line. “It takes a while to figure it out. By the time I was born, braille was obsolete. Everything had text-to-speech tech, but there’s something about being able to hear the words in your head, in your own voice, you know? My mom said that was the best part about reading, and she wanted me to have that. So she taught herself using these ancient archives, and then she taught me. She used her annual bonus one year to buy out what was left from this old library archive. I don’t even want to know how many credits she used, but there were about two dozen books. I didn’t bring them all.”

Spock made a quiet, considering noise, and Jim’s fingers which were still on his wrist, followed Spock’s hand as he brushed them over the dots. “There is a pattern. I cannot discern it.”

“Six dot cells,” Jim said, and he brought Spock’s hand back up to the first line and quoted the text he’d long-since memorized. “Mr. And Mrs. Dursley, of number Four Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much.” He pushed Spock’s fingers down onto the first letter. “This is an M,” he said, letting Spock feel the two dots at the top, and the single dot on the bottom left. “Different from the R,” he said, and pushed Spock’s finger over one. Three dots on the left, one in the middle right. “Individually it’s slow, but when you learn to recognize the patterns, it gets faster.”

“Intriguing,” Spock said, and disengaged their touch.

Jim felt a sudden absence of thrumming emotion, and it was only when Spock broke their physical contact that Jim became aware of how much emotion was transferring from the Vulcan, to himself. “Anyway, silly but…”

“Nostalgia is illogical, but not without purpose,” Spock said. He rose, and Jim followed him, closing the book and replacing it on the shelf. “There is no shame in comfort of ones home, especially when we are to be so far from it.”

“Must be worse for you,” Jim said quietly. “You’ve been away for a long time.”

“I confess I find the small comforts I can bring with me far more satisfying than being on a planet where the rest of my kind finds me…” Spock didn’t finish his sentence, and Jim didn’t need him to. He knew enough about Spock’s upbringing now to know that his relationship with other Vulcans was never entirely pleasant.

“Yeah,” Jim breathed. “Well. You wanna come to the bridge with me? I think it’s time I get an intimate idea of my station.” He wriggled his fingers in the air.

After a small huff, Spock stepped in close and said, “I find your illogical behavior to cause an equally illogical reaction in me from time to time.” Then after a moment, “I am smiling, Jim.”

Jim’s own smile in return threatened to crack his face in half.

~*~ 

“No.”

The sharp, short word had Jim flinching back like he’d been slapped. It wasn’t the first time Spock had refused to do something Jim asked for, but every time before this, Jim was given some sort of explanation—usually long winded, usually full of why Jim’s ideas were illogical and therefore pointless. This time, however, there _was_ logic in Jim’s request, and he hadn’t expected to be turned down.

He certainly hadn’t expected to be turned down in that icy, almost angry tone.

“Look, this is kind of necessary to…”

“No, Commander,” Spock said, still cold.

Jim huffed, crossing his arms over his chest tightly, furiously. “Look, I might have aced all of my hand-to-hand combat tests, but we’re about to embark on a strange planet, and we don’t know what the hell we’re about to encounter. We have transmissions well over a year old, and no updated information on possible, native life. As you’re the only one on this ship with natural strength superior to humans…”

“I will not engage you in combat, Commander,” Spock said, like his word was final.

Jim ground his teeth. “Just when I think you’re not like the rest of them…”

Moments later, the distance between them was nearly closed, and Jim said a small prayer in his head that the training room was empty. It had been before, and although there was nothing in their relationship against any rules, they _were_ still on duty.

“This is not about your lack of sight,” Spock said, his tone soft, in that way that Jim could tell Spock wanted to reach for him, and was stopping himself. “This is not a slight against your abilities. It is simple fact—I am stronger than you, and I do not wish to harm you. In order for you to effectively learn to defend yourself against beings who possess strength superior to your own, you must learn from someone who will not hold back.”

“Yeah?” Jim challenged. “And?”

“And,” Spock said, now sounding exasperated, “I will hold back.”

“So don’t!” Jim all-but yelled. He reached out, fisting his hand in the fabric over Spock’s shoulder, and tugged. “Just…don’t hold back. I know you’re capable.”

“When it comes to you, I do not know that I am capable,” Spock admitted, still speaking very softly. “It is against my nature to raise my hand to my…”

“T’hy’la?” Jim offered.

Spock’s head bowed so they were touching forehead to forehead, and Jim could feel the soft, warm puff of Spock’s breath over his cheeks. “I would not provide you with training you need.”

“Then do your best,” Jim said. “I don’t want to hurt you, and I don’t want you to hurt me. But I’m never going to get the training I need unless you help me. We’ve already had a run-in with Romulans, Spock. And I might not get the chance to talk my way out of it next time.”

Spock’s breath had a slight shake to it that a person would only hear if they had been looking for it. Jim had been looking for it. “If I cannot train you properly, and you fail…”

“Foreign tactics, foreign skill, superior strength. I just need to learn how to use it to my advantage. And we both know I can, even if you can’t give me a hundred percent. I’m not asking for a duel to the death here, ashayam,” Jim knew he was playing dirty now, with Vulcan terms of endearment, but he wasn’t above it to get what he both needed _and_ wanted.

“I am aware of what you are trying to do. Emotional manipulation is an unwise technique to use on a Vulcan.”

Jim hummed and yanked him closer. “True, but not on you, ashaya. Especially because you know there is logic to what I’m saying, and your arguments are nothing more than excuses.”

Spock tipped Jim’s head up by his chin and kissed him. Then Jim found himself flying across the room, landing hard on his backside. “Do not underestimate another species’ ability to turn your own manipulation tactics on you, Commander. Now, hand to hand first, and then we will become familiar with weapons.”

Jim grinned, swiping his hand down his face as he pushed up. He took a fighting stance, and when Spock came at him a second time, he was ready for it.

~*~ 

“T minus seven hours until destination arrival,” the tinny, computer voice spoke.

Jim groaned, lying back on his bed where his body ached—and not in that delicious, fresh-fucked way, though this was also Spock’s fault. For not giving a hundred percent, Spock was seriously kicking his ass. He was besting Jim eight out of ten fights—but the two he managed to pin Spock were more satisfying than anything, even if it came at the expense of screaming muscles.

The enterprise was quickly closing in on Deneva and from the transmission coming through, Pike was increasingly on edge. The human colony stationed there hadn’t made contact with the Federation in over a year, and the Enterprise had simply been closest. They’d dealt with worse, of course, in the year they’d been on their fact-finding mission, but something about this had their Captain edgier than normal.

“I just don’t like it,” Pike said when Jim leaned in to inquire. “I usually trust my gut, and my gut is telling me we’re in for something…new.”

That made the hairs on the back of Jim’s neck stand up. “Then put me on the away team. You need all the backup you can get.”

“Your Vulcan is making angry eyes at me about this,” Pike warned.

“Yeah well, last time I checked, you were his Captain,” Jim pointed out. “You know I’m right. I’ll be taking my echo-box with me, and put his grumpy ass on the away-team too.”

“Planned on it,” Pike said. He sighed heavily, then Jim heard the telltale click of his communicator. “Scotty, we don’t know what we’ve got going on here, but prepare transport for the entire colony. We’ll do what we can to get you exact numbers once we’re on the surface, but just go with last known population for now.”

“Aye, Captain,” Scotty’s voice said. “And tell Commander Kirk I’ve got a couple of those updated, motion-sensing phasers to try out. So far they’ve passed all inspection and beta testing.”

“Perfect, thank you Mr. Scott,” Jim said.

“I would like to request Dr. McCoy join us,” Spock interrupted. “We may be dealing with something biological, and since we’re dealing with a human colony, any expert on the matter would be…logical.”

“I’m so telling him you said that,” Jim replied with a grin, and ignored Spock’s tiny scoff.

“Thank you, but I think I can arrange my own away team. I mean, last time I checked, this _was_ my ship,” Pike said, but Jim could hear the smile in his voice. “Spock, dismissed. Gather what you need. We’ll be entering orbit in one point two hours.”

“Aye, Captain,” Spock said.

Jim heard the doors swoosh open, then shut, then he heard Pike take a breath to say something. “He’s expressive because of you.”

Jim’s eyebrows shot up toward his hairline. “What’s that, now?”

Pike’s voice was low, though there was every chance Sulu and Chekov were listening to every word. “I’ve known him for a long time. We were together on a year long mission before he accepted the post at the academy, and I oversaw his education almost directly. Until he met you, he was all Vulcan, Jim.”

Jim felt something in his stomach twist—not in a pleasant way, either. Because that wasn’t what he wanted, that wasn’t what he meant to do. He didn’t want Spock to change.

Obviously his emotions were playing out on his face in a way that Pike could see, because a hand reached out and grabbed Jim by his bicep. “Don’t take that the wrong way, kiddo,” Pike said softly. “He’s not…becoming less of himself. In fact, I think he’s becoming more of himself. He’s choosing to express more, to sigh, to grumble, to scoff. Everything he would have held inside—but you knowing he’s feeling those things, it’s important to him. You’re good for him, kid.”

Jim felt warmth spreading through his limbs, and he fought back a smile. “Yeah. Well.” He didn’t know what else to say. It was encroaching on territory way to sappy for Jim to deal with. “He’s still an asshole.”

Pike laughed and clapped him on the shoulder. “Wouldn’t be the Vulcan we know and love if he wasn’t. Now, get the fuck off my bridge. You have shit to do.”

Jim grinned, then turned and headed for his quarters to prepare for their mission.

~*~ 

In retrospect, Jim shouldn’t have been surprised. Every single one of Pike’s “bad feelings” had been proven correctly until this moment. He should have assumed it was all going to go to hell in a handbasket when they heard the transmission of the man hurtling into the sun, and the sheer relief and almost manic joy when he declared himself free. Free of whatever it was.

They should have turned tail and ran, because there were hardly any people left.

And Jim, in the end, was a selfish man and in truth he would have sacrificed the handful of strangers if it meant that he wouldn’t be standing by Spock’s side in medbay holding his hand and feeling echoes of the fatal pain gripping his every nerve.

“Fix him,” Jim hissed at Bones. “Fuck, you have to do something.”

Jim was unceremoniously pulled from Spock’s side, out of the room, and Bones didn’t speak until the door slid shut and he was certain Spock—with his superior hearing—couldn’t listen in. “There’s nothing I can do right now, Jim. Damn it, if I knew how these things worked, just an inkling…”

“Tell me he’s going to make it,” Jim said, his voice stoic, refusing to accept a no-win scenario because he hadn’t yet, and he sure as hell wasn’t about to with Spock. “Bones…”

“I’m sorry, Jim,” Bones said, too soft now, too full of…pity. And remorse. Jim wanted to hit him. “He’s got, at best, two days left. You might want to start preparing yourself for…”

Bones’ words were cut off when Jim grabbed him by the front of his uniform and shoved him into the wall. “Fix him. Fix him or you prepare yourself to say goodbye to me, too. You got that? Because I will personally go back down there myself and obliterate the planet with me on it.”

Before anyone could respond, Jim was shoved backward, and it was in that shove he felt it for a brief moment. Pain. He shot up and reached out in an attempt to grab Spock who was awake, and fleeing. “Spock! Where the hell…” Jim grabbed Bones’ arm, and the two of them rushed after the First Officer who rushed onto the bridge.

“Spock, stand down!” Pike ordered.

The ship gave a lurch, and Jim heard Sulu cry out. 

“Stand down! Bones!” Pike ordered.

Jim was released, but he rushed forward, and between him, Bones, and Pike, they were able to subdue Spock to the ground.

“We have to,” Spock gasped. “Out of this orbit. We have to…”

“Hey,” Jim said, his voice soft, soothing. His fingers trailed from Spock’s shoulder to his hand, and pressed there. He could feel the pain, searing and overwhelming, even through Spock’s mental shield. “Ashayam.”

Spock’s struggling stilled. “We can’t stay…you will…be infected. Everyone will…”

“If you think we’re leaving orbit without figuring out how to save you and everyone else down there, you’re out of your Vulcan mind,” Bones growled, and Jim couldn’t help but smile. 

“There is no…” Spock swallowed thickly, and reached out, curling his hand around the back of Jim’s neck. “It wants the ship. They…want the ship.”

Jim felt cold fear rushing through them. “The pain is…to force me to obey, to take the ship.” Spock breathed out, slow and steady. “I have regained control of my mental faculties for now, but it is not safe for me here. You must send me down to the planet and go.”

Jim grabbed on tight. “There’s no fucking way. You get that, right? That there’s no fucking way I’m leaving you there? That any of us are?”

“That is most…illogical,” Spock breathed, and Jim could hear a smile on his voice, even if it wasn’t on his lips.

“Yeah well, when it comes to you, me and logic have decided to see other people.” Jim eased Spock to his feet, and they began to follow Bones back to medbay.

“You must restrain me, doctor, and keep me sedated.” Spock eased onto his bed, though he didn’t let go of Jim’s hand. “I have no way of knowing when this thing will mange to overwhelm my mind. And as I am stronger than most…”

“Hey,” Jim said. “I have taken you down before, and I can do it again. Chief of Security for a reason. I know I said I don’t want to hurt you, but I will if I have to.”

“Please,” Spock begged. “Restrain me. I could not live with myself if I hurt you.”

Jim felt his whole body seize in pain, and he let Spock go so Bones could bind him to the bed. He heard the quiet hiss of a hypo, and then Spock’s even breathing. “He’s still in pain, isn’t he?” Jim asked.

Grimly, Bones sighed and said, “He’s in more pain than any one human could ever withstand. He doesn’t have long.”

“Then I guess we’d better figure out how the fuck to kill this thing, because I’m not going to rest until we do.”

~*~ 

Though Bones was the one to figure out it was a collective rather than a single entity, it was Pike who made the connection between the creatures and the sun. Bones spent the better part of the day working on trying to kill the thing with heat, and radiation, but to no avail.

Then Jim sat up in his chair from where he was perched by Spock. “Light. Seriously, could it be light?”

Bones made a noise of surprise, then the scraping sound of his chair as he rushed off. It took less than five minutes for his return. “Light! Damn it, man, I don’t know why I didn’t think of it!”

There was a noise from the bed, and Jim could feel Spock straining against his bonds. “You must try it on me, Doctor.”

Jim and Bones’ protests were loud, and equal. “You don’t know what it could do to you!”

“It isn’t safe, and you might be willing to take the risk, but if anything happens to you…”

“There is no one else, and no other choice,” Spock said, straining harder. “At the rate this creature is increasing pain, I will be dead before this planet’s sun sets. We do not have time to test the theory further. You must allow me to test it.”

Jim felt his stomach twist, and he called Pike for back-up, but it was like a punch to the gut when his Captain came in and said simply, “It’s logical, Bones. Let him do it.” Then he put his hand on Jim’s arm as to stop him from going after his lover.

“Put these on,” Bones said, and pushed something into Jim’s hands. Glasses, he realized.

“It’s not like my eyes can get worse, Bonesy,” Jim said, and handed them off to Pike. “Tell me this is going to work.”

“It’s going to kill the creatures,” Bones said. “That’s for sure. But I can’t guarantee his safety.”

“It’s the only thing we’ve got,” Pike reminded Jim, and it was with that in mind that Jim hung his head, and curled his hands into fists, and waited.

Though the light treatment took less than a minute, it felt like an eternity before the door to the chamber hissed open. Jim heard Spock’s familiar footfalls, and then his voice. “I am no longer in pain. The creature is dead.” Then, to Jim’s astonishment, the sound of Spock tripping over a chair. “I also seem to be quite blind.”

Jim felt his heart in his throat, threatening to choke him. His hand went out instinctively and found Spock, and clutched at him. “That can’t be…how did…”

“I was afraid of that,” Bones said quietly as he eased Jim out of the way to inspect the First Officer.

“It is, indeed, a worthy sacrifice to be free of that thing,” Spock admitted.

Pike let out a rush of breath. “We can’t assume the rest of Deneva is willing to make the same sacrifice. Doctor…”

“Just…just give me a minute,” Bones said. “I need to think. I need to…” There was a long, long pause, and Jim leaned into Spock to be held, and was accepted readily. He felt Spock’s fingers travel up his spine, brushing along the short hairs at the base of his skull. Tactile comfort, he could feel it pouring off Spock in waves. That, and utter relief from the torture he had felt before.

“I’m sorry,” Jim whispered in a voice so low, only Spock would be able to hear it.

With bare fingers on his neck, Jim heard Spock push a thought into his head, _It is worth it, ashayam. I am still with you._

Jim closed his eyes against the hot, wet heat flooding them, and willed the tears back. This was not the time. He would fall apart later, in the privacy of his own quarters. He calmed, and when his mind was clear, he realized it.

“Bones. Obviously the blind man is no expert at light, but did you consider it’s not just light itself, but the UV rays? Close enough to the sun, the radiation and heat didn’t kill it, but it’s possible the…”

“Ultraviolet rays would have,” Bones murmured. “I have one more specimen I took from Spock and I just…” He trailed off like he did when he was lost in an experiment.

Minutes passed, then Bones let out a heavy breath. “It worked. It’s dead.” Then he sucked in his breath. “If I’d known, Spock might…”

“Kaiidth,” Spock said softly, still holding Jim. “What is, is, Doctor.”

“You two, off duty for at least twenty four hours,” Pike ordered. There was the chirp of a Comm, and Scotty’s voice answering the call. “Mr. Scott, do we have enough satellites to orbit Deneva?”

“Four hundred and seventeen, sir.”

“I need you to program them to omit UV light at the frequency Doctor McCoy sends you. Enough to cover the entire planet at once. Can we do that?”

“Aye, Captain,” Scotty said.

“Pike, out.” The comm chirped off, and then Pike touched Jim’s shoulder. “Go.”

“Captain,” Spock protested, “it is likely necessary that I offer my resig—”

“Spock,” Pike interrupted, sounding only a little exasperated. “You’ve been through enough today. Please…just go.”

Spock fell silent, and his arm to Jim’s. The blind leading the blind, in the most literal sense—though on the ship Jim was more adept than even Spock some days. He led the way to his own quarters, pulling Spock inside. He adjusted the temperature as he maneuvered Spock to the bed.

“Here. Lift your feet up. You’re not going to be comfortable napping in shoes.”

“I have spent seventy-three point six percent of the last mission either unconscious, or drugged into a resting sate. It is not necessary that I _nap_ , Jim.”

“Yeah well,” Jim said, taking Spock’s boots off and pushing them up next to his own, “You were just violently tortured by a fucking amoeba, and then blinded. So if you’re not going to sleep, you’re at least going to lay here and recover.”

Spock only made a small noise of protest, but his limbs were pliant as Jim got them into the bed. He curled against Spock’s side tense until Spock pulled him closer. “You are expecting a stronger reaction from me.”

Jim huffed. “Uh well…you just lost one of your senses, Spock. It’s not something you just bounce back from.”

“Jim, I feel I should point out the fallacy of your logic considering you, yourself…”

“I didn’t lose my sight, Spock,” Jim said, a slight note of hysteria in his voice. He forced himself to calm before he spoke again. “I was born like this, grew up like this. I didn’t _lose_ anything. But you…” Jim took a breath. “You’re allowed to be freaked out.”

“It is possible I may experience a visceral, emotional reaction to the loss of one of my senses—one that I admittedly rely on for my position here on the ship,” Spock admitted, and let his fingers drag into Jim’s hair. “For now, I am merely experiencing relief from pain, enough that it is overwhelming any further emotions. And I take solace in knowing that should I feel…a true loss when it all settles, I have you as a guide, and as a comfort, ashayam.”

Jim let a small noise of pain out as he pushed his face into Spock’s neck. “I was terrified. God I thought…I thought you…” He couldn’t finish the words, and simply let Spock hold him until he fell asleep.

~*~ 

Jim woke to fingers on his face, and his eyes fluttered at the contact. He let Spock explore for a little while, then made a small noise so Spock would know he’d woken. “Was I out long?”

“Nine point six hours, far more than your usual, but to be expected.” Spock paused. “I have been to see Doctor McCoy already.”

Jim let out a puff of air. “Yeah? All good?” 

“Affirmative.” Spock’s fingers brushed against Jim’s eyelashes. “Have I told you how often your eyes remind me of the sky on Terran, mid-afternoon. I find it extremely pleasing to look at.”

Jim felt his stomach twist at what Spock had lost…except then he realized Spock wasn’t speaking past tense. He sat up, nearly knocking into his T'hy’la. “Can you…”

“As Doctor McCoy is unfamiliar with Vulcan biology, and as it is something I had never considered to benefit me, it was not mentioned that Vulcans have an inner eyelid which extends to protect the eye. The condition was only temporary.”

“Holy shit,” Jim said, and launched himself at Spock, kissing him sloppy, messy, just this side of too hard, but also completely perfect. “Holy shit,” he mumbled against Spock’s mouth. He felt Spock’s lips curving against his into a smile. “You’re okay.”

“I am quite well,” Spock assured him, cupping his face to ease Jim back. “I confess I felt some measure of fear at the prospect of that change, but it was soothed knowing you were with me. There is nothing I would not sacrifice for you, ashaya. Nothing I would not give up to be with you.”

Jim nodded, closing his eyes against more heat there, though he didn’t cry. He felt Spock’s thumbs brushing his cheeks, the sort of affection he got in private, or in moments of dire straits. And he was perfectly okay with it. “If they had made you leave the ship, I would have gone with you.”

Spock huffed his amusement. “That would have been most illogical.”

“Yeah well, you know me and logic,” Jim said with a grin, and was rewarded by another soft, drawn out kiss.

“Yes, ashayam. I believe I do.”


End file.
